All I Want Is You

Alright. I was gonna make this a quick post, but decided that I should just get a bunch of stuff down instead. Me and Vicki saw Contagion yesterday, and there was a scene where this song was played. (I'm going to spoil part of the movie, so if you'd be that upset, stop reading. Or don't. Gwyneth Paltrow dies in the first 10 minutes anyway.) Matt Damon was looking at pictures his wife took the day before she died, when she went to Hong Kong for work. He found the camera because he was going to take pictures of his daughter and her boyfriend having their own prom in the living room (because they were healthy enough to finally be together). Matt Damon, who had kept his cool for the entire movie, eventually broke down going through the pictures, and I eventually did too. Yep. I cried during a movie. I have no shame in admitting that, because it was that kind of scene for me. I knew of this U2 song...or rather, had heard it before, and didn't know the title, but I knew I liked the song. When Matt Damon composes himself and goes downstairs to see his daughter, he just smiles, and that's when me and Vicki started laughing at the fact that a B- movie was making me cry.

Well, I've been obsessed with this song since that movie, and have been listening to it nonstop today. I went to songmeanings.com to see what people thought of the lyrics, and as expected, most people attributed it to being a love song. One sentence from a comment caught me by surprise, and has one of the most interesting concepts I've ever thought about:

"How easy it is to envision myself in the most climactic moment of my existence, soaring into the irresistible everafter..."

I've been dealing with fighting my mind thinking about death and what happens when we die lately. When I say lately, I mean for a couple months now...sometimes I can handle it, and sometimes it gets the best of me and I'm left anxious, without answers, and scared. But to think of soaring into the irresistible everafter...that sounds pretty cool. To truly believe in something else, something after, and to desire that transition, is something I wish I could do. I keep telling myself that I'll get there eventually, that I'll figure something out, but that only works for so long. Maybe I finally found something to get me on the right foot.

On top of that, I just remembered a verse from Matthew that was read during the Welcome Mass at the beginning of the school year - "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." (Matthew 16:25) I've never been considered religious or anything like that, but every once in a while when I go to mass for a peaceful hour, I come across some gem of a sentence that I'll toss in the Favorite Quotations part of my Facebook profile. Getting back on topic though, it feels like I lose myself when I listen to this song. In the good way. Lose myself in the I-IV progression, the D-flat-6 chord, the syncopated strumming of The Edge, and every single second of the song. I feel at peace now. I want this feeling to stay.

All I Want Is You - U2

Damn, that post felt good.