Refusing acceptance

I'm sorry, since when did it become a perfectly legitimate mental construction to tolerate or not, to accept or not, someone's sexual orientation? (If you're wondering where that blatant opening sentence came from, read this.) Because I know that people say that gay marriage (which, to be fair, isn't the same thing as what I'm talking about here) makes the institution of marriage illegitimate. Since when was the institution of marriage EVER legitimate? Why is anything that anyone has ever done ever been legitimate? Who are any of us to not only tell someone how to live their life, but to cast them aside and destroy everything that makes them who they are when their beliefs don't align with ours? Why is there a stigma attached to being gay? Why is there a stigma attached to being overtly religious, or an atheist, or ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU WHO YOU ARE?! Why does this have to be a thing that people "accept?" There's absolutely nothing you can do about the fact that you are not like me. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Regarding the post title. I'm not saying that I don't accept people who are gay, or straight, or left-handed, or have webbed feet. What I am saying is that this is something that shouldn't even have a conversation come with it. We're obviously not at that point in society yet, and it will take a lot to get there. I'm refusing the idea of acceptance, because it's not something that should even be in the conversation. You shouldn't get bonus points because you're accepting of others. You should be deducted all your points if you are unaccepting of others.

I don't know how to end this. This doesn't end. Because as long as there are people who think that it's not okay if you associate with [insert something you associate with], this isn't over.

Reminders

So many different things can remind you of one thing. "Remind," taken literally, means to mind again, to think about again. As if thinking about it in the first place wasn't good enough, there are things to keep it around in our minds. Half the time, you don't even mean for it to be a reminder, but because of something hilarious or memorable happening, it becomes one. The psychology behind it seems interesting, and to a point untapped. Why are there reminders of our past? Of our present? If our present is a function of our past, and the future a function of our present, then surely the reminders serve as a driving force behind that function. Our minds exist as they do in the present because of these reminders of our past, good and/or bad.

I'm going home in an hour and a half, back to Watertown for the first time since everything that went down there. And when I drive around, I'll be seeing everything exactly as it ever has been, but now, I have a reminder of something in the past, something that I'll probably never be able to un-think. There are plenty of things that can't be un-thought, but the fact that there are reminders to make sure we don't forget is an interesting concept.

Certain notes remind us of other songs, words remind us of other phrases, pictures remind us of the times we had, and places remind us of the memories we made. Think about all of the reminders of things in your life. Anything that you have that symbolizes an important part of your life, whatever that may be. There are probably more than you think.

7 days, 7 thoughts

1. You never think that it can be your town.  That it could be your house. That anything bad could ever happen to you. Well, stop thinking that. It wasn't my house, but I'm sure the residents of 67 Franklin Street didn't think that it would ever happen to them. Or anyone in Watertown, for that matter. It's scary when anything like this happens regardless of where, but there's an added element of fear when it happens on the streets you've been driving on for years, when the malls you've been going to since you can remember are surrounded by police officers, when you know exactly where every news station's camera crew is located.

2. That being said, this was also the first time in my entire life that I've been afraid to live. I've had an intermittent fear of dying, to varying degrees, which I've talked about here often. But I've never been afraid of living, or been afraid for the lives of my family and friends. It's a horrifying feeling that I never want to experience again.

3. As horrifying as all of this has been, I really wanted to know what was going through the minds of these guys as they were on the run. Maybe we'll get answers as to why they bombed the Boston Marathon and what their motivations were for coming to Watertown, but I want to know what Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was thinking as he was lying on that boat, what his tactical plan was. It's just something very interesting to me.

4. Speaking of which, this entire thing felt more like a TV show than real life. And maybe that's what was so terrifying about it, the fact that I could make comparisons between this and House, Lost, and Dexter. A fan of any of these shows who has seen the entire series should know the stories behind the pictures, and it's scary to think that something like this was actually happening.

5. All I wanted to do Thursday and Friday nights was watch the news. I was caught in the middle of wanting to sleep in the hopes that when I woke up it would be all over, and staying up through the night to make sure I didn't miss anything. I ended up going to bed at 4:30 Thursday night (/Friday morning), and watched the news until about 9:30 on Friday night, before our Spring Weekend concert. One comment about the media - you can't trust anything anyone says. They thought they had the guy on the street, but he checked out. They thought it was missing Brown student Sunil Tripathi, but it wasn't him. Between Twitter and other forms of social media, police scanners, and even news stations themselves, it seemed as though we couldn't take anything at face value.

6. I'm just glad that this (seems to be) over. I've been a little skeptical that it actually is, but based off of how the police have been going about their business, it sounds like everything can start moving towards the way it was. Bad and good will still exist, but the reactions and efforts of every single person involved is far superior than what started everything in the first place. I cried when I watched the Bruins fans sing the National Anthem on Wednesday. I was bawling my eyes out when the Fenway Faithful did the same in front of the BPD and WPD. One of my favorite sights ever is the American flag draped over the Green Monster, but nothing has been more special than seeing the Boston Marathon volunteers on the warning track right in front of it. Nothing more special than "BOSTON" across the home whites, instead of the usual "RED SOX." This is our fucking city, everyone. And with that being said...

7. I can't wait to go home.

4 reasons the Red Sox are 10-4

The Red Sox are off to a fantastic start - probably much better than any of us anticipated, but there are some things about this team that lead me to believe that they can keep it up. Here are ten of them.

1. Jon Lester's cutter. Yes, specifically his cutter. In Lester's terrible 2012 (9-14, 4.82 ERA), he threw his cutter on 22.1% of pitches.This year, the ace is throwing his out pitch 27.4% of the time through his first three starts, in which Lester is 2-0 with a 1.42 ERA. He has an 8.5 K/9, an improvement from only 7.3 K/9 last year, a number that has been decreasing since 2009.

2. The starting rotation. For the previous few years, the Red Sox have followed in the footsteps of their starting pitching - when they succeed, so does the team. The starting five is 6-2, has yet to allow more than three runs in a start, and the pitching staff as a whole leads the majors with 141 strikeouts. If the rotation can continue to play their part, the bullpen is strong enough to secure victories.

3. A healthy lineup. With Pedroia second on the team in average and on-base percentage, Victorino leading the team with a .333 average, Mike Napoli's team-leading 16 RBI, and Ellsbury's team-leading 11 runs, the top half of the lineup is getting the job done. And, David Ortiz isn't even around, yet. Throw him into the lineup, and the Red Sox suddenly have a very dangerous top half of the order.

4. Sexiness (or lack thereof). Look, there's nothing flashy about this team. Nothing like what was supposed to happen in 2011 and 2012. That is good for this ball club. The "sellout" streak is over, but the city still has the team's back, and the Red Sox will play their part to support the city of Boston. With a group of players focused on wins and losses, the franchise is slowly on its way back to being about baseball. And that's all we need, right now.

The Earth is (not) a cold dead place, pt. 2

Alright, so I may have been a little quick to hop off of the "inherent good" bandwagon. In tragedies, it's obviously easy to wonder why evil things happen. It's something I wondered for most of my Intro to Philosophy class, blogged about here a few times, and have only been reminded of it when something of this magnitude happened. But as is the case in life, it's not about what happens to you, it's about how you react to it. And the reaction of Boston and those involved with what happened are exactly why the Earth is not a cold dead place.

The biggest reason I write this now is because of the National Anthem sung at the Bruins game tonight. I've always been a huge sucker for the National Anthem. There's about a 50% chance I cry any time I'm at a professional sporting event and it's being sung. I just feel the power that comes with the song, to feel the surrounding unity. I've never felt it stronger than I did watching it on TV tonight, when tears actually did come to my eyes for a little bit. To hear the entire stadium singing...you just have to see it for yourself.

The Earth is (not) a cold dead place

How can someone do this? I don't even know where to start...so many questions with answers that seem to have been lost in the abyss of the universe...it's things like this that completely support the psychological tendency for us to value bad more than equal good. Yes, there are police officers, medical staff, volunteers, and plenty of other people doing whatever they can to help others, to help complete strangers. But the simple fact of the matter is that none of this would have been needed if not for the preceding events.

In high school, I was cynical as all hell, and it was awesome. House was my hero, but even he had his moments where he wanted the universe to work things out the way it should. I think that in college, I've been progressing farther away from cynicism, and believing in the universe and humanity and all that stuff, but there's still been some cynicism left over. Cynicism that comes out in full force when things like this happen. How can we believe in the universe when things like this happen? Like I said, we can look to the reactions and efforts after the fact, but the fact that it happened to begin with is what's most demoralizing. There are moments when I certainly believe that the Earth is not a cold dead place, but this is a time of the complete opposite belief. I guess all that means to me is that we're somewhere in the middle, our beliefs victim to the universe's operations.

Spaghetti

I'm a firm believer in the metaphor of throwing spaghetti against the wall until something sticks. Or something like that. It seems to work in most instances. (When in Rome...) This post is just a bunch of different things, since none of them are large enough for their own post, but not too small to let pass by without mention. So...

Can Red Sox fans stop booing Joel Hanrahan? Actually, can Red Sox fans stop booing everyone? No wonder Crawford, Beckett, and Gonzalez hated being here -- the Boston media has such a terrible impact on players. They (and fans) find reasons to hate on players and then talk about it to no end. Has anyone wondered what the psychological consequences of that are? Have the Boston media ever wondered how they would react if someone went around telling everyone that they suck? Allow me to be the first to say that the Boston media (and probably fan base, too) sucks.

I haven't blogged in a week. I need to stop having a week go by without blogging. I'm not sure if it's because I don't have time, or if I feel that some stuff simply isn't blog-worthy anymore, or some other third thing, but I'm starting to get annoyed at myself. I'm definitely going to keep blogging, and once the summer hits, I'll be on fire. Last summer had a lot of good blog posts for me, and I'm hoping (and expecting) that this one has some gems too.

There are only eight days between now and when the Baseball Statistics course will be over, which is scary. What's also scary is that I'll be done with school this time next month. Rising senior status. This is probably (definitely) something that I'm not done thinking (or blogging) about, but the fact that I'm now cognitively aware of the end of this year is weird. Speaking of time, I was close to another blog post about time, and how the end is nigh. This still might happen, because of what I just mentioned, but this too has been something that's on my mind.

I saw the musical last night, and it was hilarious, well-done, and overall fantastic. Which all of the plays that I've seen have been. I've enjoyed all of the plays I've seen at Stonehill, and will enjoy the two next year. I always almost cry when the entire cast comes back on stage after the performance, to do their bows, ovations, and whatnot. I dunno....it's just a surreal moment to know how much work they put into it, and to have such an awesome finished product.

I feel better now. Not that I didn't before, but I feel better than I did at the start of this blog post. Which is usually a good indication (in hindsight, albeit) that it was something worth doing. Hopefully more to come soon.

Death be not proud

As I've mentioned multiple times before, my favorite album in the entire world is Explosions in the Sky's The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place. When I gave it a running diary at the beginning of this school year, I mentioned the heartbeat in "First Breath After Coma." But now, I've come to know a different part of that song, from 2:27-4:24, where the drums are heavy in a way that kind of just perpetuates itself. Maybe I'll reach other points in the album along this blog post, but what I have to say doesn't have as much to do with music as I've led you to believe so far.

I've had an interesting relationship with the fact that one day, I will inevitably die. I've been mortified by it, I've progressed through some stages-of-grief-type sequence with it, I've regressed, I've blogged...at this point, it's something that's more fun to talk about than it is actually frightening. And I think it's because I've taken hold of this fact. What once scared the hell out of me is motivation now. The motivation behind this is knowing that what is happening right now is real. Maybe this isn't real to you -- maybe this is a test, an audition. Maybe it's one life out of many that we will live. I don't know if any of these are true. And I, like everyone else, won't find out until we greet death. But until then, I know that acknowledging the realness that is this life is a hell of a lot better than anything else I could do.

But what comes with acknowledging this realness, is acknowledging the absence of realness. And this is something that happened to me, something that led to the mortifying truth that it would happen one day. But right now, I want to make this lack of realness real. I want you to give it a shot, too. Lay in bed, sit in a comfy chair, close your eyes, and try and hone in on what it feels like to have utter nonexistence. Complete lack of consciousness. Try to picture the universe without you in it. Try to picture what your universe would be once you leave this one.

That is the feeling that this is all real. Not only to acknowledge that we are real in the present, but that we will not be real in the future. That we will be precisely unreal in the future. But that feeling, that realness-of-unrealness, is absolutely okay. We'll all go through it eventually, but that's okay. To understand that we will not exist is, to me, the greatest level of cognition regarding our existence as such.

And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
 -John Donne

Ranking the AT&T commercials

One of my favorite parts of March Madness has been the AT&T commercials that never seem to get old. Here are my top seven, in order.

7. Pickle Roll

6. Dizzy

5. More

4. Candy Island

3. High Fives

2. Werewolf

1. Nicky Flash