You know, this is the first time, possibly ever, that I've just stared at the quote underneath my blog title and thought about its meaning. "I'm gonna base this moment on who I'm stuck in a room with. It's what life is. It's a series of rooms. And who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are." I've blogged about the last four words before, but reading what I said then, I can't help but think how much I believe something completely different right now. It's not the end of that sentence that's so important, it's the beginning. Who we get stuck in those rooms with. That's what adds up to what our lives are. Not what happens, or where, or when, or why...with who. Following the line of thought that the quote suggests, the people in our lives make up the sum total.
I could have ended the post right there, but I continue. People. People in our lives. I think it's more than that - I think it's people who have been in our lives at any point in time. Even the lack of someone in our lives establishes an existence in our life, by negative differentiation. I cried during the entire first verse of "Silent Night" at church tonight, because this is the first Christmas I'm going through without my great aunt. I almost want to cry about it again right now, but I can't bring myself to it. I know that she's only gone in body, and not in spirit or my memory. Or anyone else's, for that matter. She was in my life, and she'll stay in my life, as long as I can bring myself to conjure up any shred of a memory I might have of her. I phrased that poorly. I remember lots of things about her. She'll stay in my life as long as I have that ability to recount that she was in my life. Same goes for anyone I've ever encountered, whether it be briefly, in passing, over a long period of time, or have lost, either physically or metaphorically.
The one constant in moments that seem to shape us, is people. Of the handful of identity-changing moments that I've had, someone has always been there. Of the handful of events that I'll never forget, people have always been involved. Fact of the matter is that there are too many people in this world for them not to be in our rooms. I don't really have any convicting claims, no final message. This is just an idea that I wanted to write down, because it came strongly onto me. Hopefully in reading this, you might think about the quote as well, or perhaps something that holds great value to you. My guess is that people will be involved one way or another.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Airing of Grievances
Wow, this might be the longest I've gone without blogging...
That wasn't a grievance I was airing, I just noticed it and found it bizarre. I mean half of those days was because I was still at school, sticking to my "the last post of the semester is the last one" rule, but since I've been home, nothing, really. I would have liked to post this yesterday, on the actual day of Festivus, but here it is anyway - seven posts I think I could have done without - my Airing of Grievances.
1. Celtics 81, Hornets 83. Eh...I've always kinda thought this to be a really lame post about some essentially meaningless basketball game. I worry that I have a tendency to do this every once in a while, and since this is the first one, it might as well encapsulate any other time this has happened.
2. A Half(time) Show. This was the first of two posts where I just berated what I could about the NFL during the 2011 Super Bowl. Here, it was the god-awful Black Eyed Peas halftime show, and in the next post, ripping the NFL in general.
3. Vocab + Saving the World? Sign me up!. I mean I literally said nothing in this post...
4. Minesweeper. Seriously? I had a post about Minesweeper? I mean it's a great game, don't get me wrong. Love it. Maybe this one should just go under "Things that belong on Twitter."
5. Fire Brand of the American League. I don't even go on these websites that I keep posting on my blog anymore...maybe I should have one consolidated post with all of the websites I thought I'd stay with.
6. Jam Band #1. This is when I thought I was good enough at guitar to come up with my own riffs, chord progressions, and what not. The only reason I'm capable of any of that is because I'm good at music, not necessarily guitar itself. Which is a pretty cool concept I literally just thought of. Yeah, I can play guitar, and yeah, I can play piano a lot better, but isn't what I'm good at music? Potentially more to come on this.
7. Seven credits, ten classes. I need to stop complaining about the amount of classes I'll end up taking by the end of my four years at Stonehill. I want to double-major, I want to come out with as many killer electives as I can, and I'm succumbing to my biggest pet peeve - people complaining about Stonehill. My rationalization is that I'm not complaining about Stonehill, I'm complaining about how I decided to run through my four-year plan (not as linearly as I could have)...but this is not the time nor place for this. Hopefully never is the time and place.
I was aiming for ten posts I could have done without, and maybe I could have filled it out, but I suppose it's a good thing that I didn't complete it. Turns out a lot more useless posts happened in 2011 for me, which gives me more confidence for the upcoming year in terms of my writing/blogging abilities. I have some ideas for the future (immediate future, to be precise), and always seem to have a list of blog post ideas in the back of my mind. Maybe that's why my writing has been better this year. I guess we'll see.
That wasn't a grievance I was airing, I just noticed it and found it bizarre. I mean half of those days was because I was still at school, sticking to my "the last post of the semester is the last one" rule, but since I've been home, nothing, really. I would have liked to post this yesterday, on the actual day of Festivus, but here it is anyway - seven posts I think I could have done without - my Airing of Grievances.
1. Celtics 81, Hornets 83. Eh...I've always kinda thought this to be a really lame post about some essentially meaningless basketball game. I worry that I have a tendency to do this every once in a while, and since this is the first one, it might as well encapsulate any other time this has happened.
2. A Half(time) Show. This was the first of two posts where I just berated what I could about the NFL during the 2011 Super Bowl. Here, it was the god-awful Black Eyed Peas halftime show, and in the next post, ripping the NFL in general.
3. Vocab + Saving the World? Sign me up!. I mean I literally said nothing in this post...
4. Minesweeper. Seriously? I had a post about Minesweeper? I mean it's a great game, don't get me wrong. Love it. Maybe this one should just go under "Things that belong on Twitter."
5. Fire Brand of the American League. I don't even go on these websites that I keep posting on my blog anymore...maybe I should have one consolidated post with all of the websites I thought I'd stay with.
6. Jam Band #1. This is when I thought I was good enough at guitar to come up with my own riffs, chord progressions, and what not. The only reason I'm capable of any of that is because I'm good at music, not necessarily guitar itself. Which is a pretty cool concept I literally just thought of. Yeah, I can play guitar, and yeah, I can play piano a lot better, but isn't what I'm good at music? Potentially more to come on this.
7. Seven credits, ten classes. I need to stop complaining about the amount of classes I'll end up taking by the end of my four years at Stonehill. I want to double-major, I want to come out with as many killer electives as I can, and I'm succumbing to my biggest pet peeve - people complaining about Stonehill. My rationalization is that I'm not complaining about Stonehill, I'm complaining about how I decided to run through my four-year plan (not as linearly as I could have)...but this is not the time nor place for this. Hopefully never is the time and place.
I was aiming for ten posts I could have done without, and maybe I could have filled it out, but I suppose it's a good thing that I didn't complete it. Turns out a lot more useless posts happened in 2011 for me, which gives me more confidence for the upcoming year in terms of my writing/blogging abilities. I have some ideas for the future (immediate future, to be precise), and always seem to have a list of blog post ideas in the back of my mind. Maybe that's why my writing has been better this year. I guess we'll see.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
It's natural to be afraid
Two themes are coming together right now, which has prompted this blog post. Philosophy, and the end of a semester. I had had the idea in my head for about a week or so that I wanted to have an end-of-the-semester blog post, instead of having to wait until May to have one for the entire year. I've learned that life as a college student is now broken into 3-5 month segments, between semesters and summers. I learned the hard way this semester that you have to know what you're getting yourself into each time before it actually happens; when the time comes, and you're not prepared, it can hurt you. A lot. But what always happens is that there will be a new 3-5 month segment that you can be ready for, and can thrive in. And that's what I'm going to work on over winter break. This semester is over, and a new one is coming, and that's that.
But my other theme. Philosophy. I just finished my final paper, where one of the questions asked us how we keep meditative/contemplative thinking alive in such a technological world. Good question. When it all comes down to it, we absolutely have to find time to separate ourselves from the world. To, for lack of a better phrase, run away from life for a little while. Even if it's a short amount of time. Freshman year, I went to mass a few handfuls of times, just to be in a different sense for one hour a week. People who meditate do this, people who just sit around and think about the world do this. I have spurts where I do this in my blog. This post being one of them. Ironically enough, I'm typing it on a laptop that has connection to the Internet. As I listen to music on iTunes with my headphones plugged in. See? Even when you want to escape for a while, it's hard. But that doesn't mean you can't do it.
Life is hard. Again, this is something I've been learning the hard way for a few months now. But would it really be worth it if it were so easy? There's been more than one occasion this semester where I've just kind of felt everything pouring on top of me and that there was nothing I could do about it. But hey...the semester is over in four days, and I'm going to make it out alive. Unscathed, no, but I'll be there.
In response to my post about what breaks you, I can only sit here and think of the feeling of being broken, and that is what breaks me. Imagining myself just being completely shattered by something, feeling the stillness in the air...just picturing that freaks me out. It doesn't matter how I got there, but actually being there, or thinking about being there, is what breaks me. Maybe because in those situations, you can't prepare for how you're going to act. You don't know what it will be like when you're broken. It's a mystery. Which brings me around to the title of this post. Do some quick research and you won't be surprised to learn that it is a song by Explosions in the Sky. But, as is the case with all of their songs, it means something more. It's true, as well -- it's natural to be afraid. Sure, life can be hard, and throw you a 3-5 month period of time where it's going to be harder than usual. Maybe that freaks you out. It's freaked me out at times this semester, how hard it's been at times. But it's natural to be afraid. And the reason it's okay to be scared is because of the people you have in your life. No matter what happens, you'll be able to get through it, because it always ends up that way. One of my favorite quotes from Lost is "It only ends once. Anything that happens before that, is just progress."
Heh. I don't even really know what I'm trying to say anymore. I'm just kind of throwing everything together. Here is my point. As is always the case, I could have said what I wanted in probably 30% the time I actually spent saying it. But, as is always the case after that, I'm okay with that. I'm at a point where I still don't really know what this life is, but what's different about that now as opposed to the first two years of being at Stonehill is that I haven't really been thinking about it as much. And it's almost positively because I have no time to think about it, which is exactly the problem. This is something that absolutely should happen. Maybe not every day, but more often than I've been doing it. Maybe more often that you've been doing it, too. Take some time out of your life to think about your existence in the universe. Think about the existence of the universe in and of itself. Think about what life has thrown at you. Think about what breaks you, what home is to you, and everything in between. Just think. Spend some time away from everything that you're worrying about, and just be where you are. It's perfectly fine if, after you think, you get scared. It's natural to be afraid.
But my other theme. Philosophy. I just finished my final paper, where one of the questions asked us how we keep meditative/contemplative thinking alive in such a technological world. Good question. When it all comes down to it, we absolutely have to find time to separate ourselves from the world. To, for lack of a better phrase, run away from life for a little while. Even if it's a short amount of time. Freshman year, I went to mass a few handfuls of times, just to be in a different sense for one hour a week. People who meditate do this, people who just sit around and think about the world do this. I have spurts where I do this in my blog. This post being one of them. Ironically enough, I'm typing it on a laptop that has connection to the Internet. As I listen to music on iTunes with my headphones plugged in. See? Even when you want to escape for a while, it's hard. But that doesn't mean you can't do it.
Life is hard. Again, this is something I've been learning the hard way for a few months now. But would it really be worth it if it were so easy? There's been more than one occasion this semester where I've just kind of felt everything pouring on top of me and that there was nothing I could do about it. But hey...the semester is over in four days, and I'm going to make it out alive. Unscathed, no, but I'll be there.
In response to my post about what breaks you, I can only sit here and think of the feeling of being broken, and that is what breaks me. Imagining myself just being completely shattered by something, feeling the stillness in the air...just picturing that freaks me out. It doesn't matter how I got there, but actually being there, or thinking about being there, is what breaks me. Maybe because in those situations, you can't prepare for how you're going to act. You don't know what it will be like when you're broken. It's a mystery. Which brings me around to the title of this post. Do some quick research and you won't be surprised to learn that it is a song by Explosions in the Sky. But, as is the case with all of their songs, it means something more. It's true, as well -- it's natural to be afraid. Sure, life can be hard, and throw you a 3-5 month period of time where it's going to be harder than usual. Maybe that freaks you out. It's freaked me out at times this semester, how hard it's been at times. But it's natural to be afraid. And the reason it's okay to be scared is because of the people you have in your life. No matter what happens, you'll be able to get through it, because it always ends up that way. One of my favorite quotes from Lost is "It only ends once. Anything that happens before that, is just progress."
Heh. I don't even really know what I'm trying to say anymore. I'm just kind of throwing everything together. Here is my point. As is always the case, I could have said what I wanted in probably 30% the time I actually spent saying it. But, as is always the case after that, I'm okay with that. I'm at a point where I still don't really know what this life is, but what's different about that now as opposed to the first two years of being at Stonehill is that I haven't really been thinking about it as much. And it's almost positively because I have no time to think about it, which is exactly the problem. This is something that absolutely should happen. Maybe not every day, but more often than I've been doing it. Maybe more often that you've been doing it, too. Take some time out of your life to think about your existence in the universe. Think about the existence of the universe in and of itself. Think about what life has thrown at you. Think about what breaks you, what home is to you, and everything in between. Just think. Spend some time away from everything that you're worrying about, and just be where you are. It's perfectly fine if, after you think, you get scared. It's natural to be afraid.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Time, pt. 7
Think about this question for a second...what would happen if we decided to move one day from December to November?
No, seriously...what if November had 31 days, and December had 30? What would change? The weather on November 31st should be exactly the same as all the old first days of December. Sure, everything in December gets bumped a day in the calendar week, but January 1st is still on the same day. Who even decided what months get 31 days? Why the hell does February only have 28? Why is any of this even a thing, if nothing other than arbitrary assignments to words to represent something that we have absolutely no control over? Does anyone really think that us calling something "July" means that the Earth faces the Sun for longer periods of its rotation? Where does this get us? Why do months and days in a month exist? What's their practical use, if nothing other than reminding us of something we could be perfectly capable of existing in on our own?
I came across something a couple of days ago, and I was really intrigued/frightened by it, because it's absolutely true. And seemed like something that fit exactly into what all my "time" posts are about. I've posted it below. If I ever become someone who owns a study and just reads books for fun (doubtful, but not ruled out), I want to read about how time doesn't exist. Because I don't think it does. Time itself does not exist...merely the assignment of words and numbers to represent what we cannot control. What happens if we strip those assignments?
No, seriously...what if November had 31 days, and December had 30? What would change? The weather on November 31st should be exactly the same as all the old first days of December. Sure, everything in December gets bumped a day in the calendar week, but January 1st is still on the same day. Who even decided what months get 31 days? Why the hell does February only have 28? Why is any of this even a thing, if nothing other than arbitrary assignments to words to represent something that we have absolutely no control over? Does anyone really think that us calling something "July" means that the Earth faces the Sun for longer periods of its rotation? Where does this get us? Why do months and days in a month exist? What's their practical use, if nothing other than reminding us of something we could be perfectly capable of existing in on our own?
I came across something a couple of days ago, and I was really intrigued/frightened by it, because it's absolutely true. And seemed like something that fit exactly into what all my "time" posts are about. I've posted it below. If I ever become someone who owns a study and just reads books for fun (doubtful, but not ruled out), I want to read about how time doesn't exist. Because I don't think it does. Time itself does not exist...merely the assignment of words and numbers to represent what we cannot control. What happens if we strip those assignments?
Failure is not an option
I have some semblance of a theme in my blog where I post something near the start of finals, offering some sort of little reminder about them. And by theme, I mean I did it once. But here's something else. Might be for me, might be for you, might be for your friend. Might not be for anyone. I thought of a couple cool things to blog about this morning, but I have two finals tomorrow that I should be probably studying for. But let's be real...
Let's say you're taking a final in one of your upper-level major courses. Why worry about that? Would you really pick a major that you absolutely sucked at? Chances are you're pretty good at what you do, which is more than half the reason you ended up with this major anyway. Sure, your major might be getting tough now, but whose isn't? There's a reason you've stuck with it up until now, and this is just one more hump along the way.
But I have finals outside of my major, too! Alright, well you've been working with it all semester, right? You know a hell of a lot more about it now than you did in September. It's like in college basketball (or any sport, really) where freshmen aren't really freshmen at the end of the year, since they've been playing all year long. That's you, but over the course of a semester with this class. You don't know nothing, trust me.
But there are just so many and so little time to study for them...see above. What if we all actually need way less time studying and more time not worrying about the lack of time to study? If you don't know something at this point, your best-case scenario is that you somehow find a way to memorize it for the final, and then forget whatever it was by Christmas. It'll all be okay.
But...but nothing. Finals come, and finals go. Everyone's all caught up in the fact that finals are looming over everyone, especially once Thanksgiving break is over, but think about it. You take them, and then they're done. Finals aren't something you can put off. You can't prolong having to write a final paper, because the semester will literally end before you can do that. And you will have submitted your final paper. You will have taken that test. It's okay. It's okay right now, it'll be okay in a couple of days in the middle of your finals, and it'll be okay once all your finals are done. Because thenit's Christmas! the world will end!
Let's say you're taking a final in one of your upper-level major courses. Why worry about that? Would you really pick a major that you absolutely sucked at? Chances are you're pretty good at what you do, which is more than half the reason you ended up with this major anyway. Sure, your major might be getting tough now, but whose isn't? There's a reason you've stuck with it up until now, and this is just one more hump along the way.
But I have finals outside of my major, too! Alright, well you've been working with it all semester, right? You know a hell of a lot more about it now than you did in September. It's like in college basketball (or any sport, really) where freshmen aren't really freshmen at the end of the year, since they've been playing all year long. That's you, but over the course of a semester with this class. You don't know nothing, trust me.
But there are just so many and so little time to study for them...see above. What if we all actually need way less time studying and more time not worrying about the lack of time to study? If you don't know something at this point, your best-case scenario is that you somehow find a way to memorize it for the final, and then forget whatever it was by Christmas. It'll all be okay.
But...but nothing. Finals come, and finals go. Everyone's all caught up in the fact that finals are looming over everyone, especially once Thanksgiving break is over, but think about it. You take them, and then they're done. Finals aren't something you can put off. You can't prolong having to write a final paper, because the semester will literally end before you can do that. And you will have submitted your final paper. You will have taken that test. It's okay. It's okay right now, it'll be okay in a couple of days in the middle of your finals, and it'll be okay once all your finals are done. Because then
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
How Evil is the Empire?
- Youkilis will get playing time with the Yankees, which have filled a void at third base, thanks to A-Rod's injury. He'll be in the middle of one of the best lineups in baseball, who led the AL in OPS this past season. (Similar case with Ray Allen, although the quality of Allen's playing time is the noteworthy part here - instead of being part of a Big Three and having the opponent's best defender on him, those best defenders gravitate towards LeBron and DWade, and Allen is left to be wide open for corner threes, something he'll hit when open. Recall what Shane Battier did to us in the postseason last year.)
- Keep in mind that the deal was only for one year, and $12 million. Not too far from his mid-30s, Youkilis is taking on the career trajectory of a journeyman, as someone who will play for three teams in two seasons. It seems like he's just looking for work now, some team that will sign him. If it's the Yankees, then it's the Yankees. Clearly, Youkilis doesn't have the blood of the Red Sox going through his veins. Which brings me to my final point.
- WE MADE HIM LEAVE! Sure, maybe the whole Youkilis/Valentine thing was the manager's fault, but I don't think Valentine said it just to stir the pot -- the notion had to come from somewhere. He wasn't hitting, he hadn't been hitting, and he had been starting to be an injury risk. As the manager, you don't call out your players publicly, but Youkilis was starting to become someone who was hurting the team, both on and off the field. The trade to the White Sox was all but inevitable. (Again, with Ray Allen, more or less the same thing happened. As things with Rondo heated, it was become more and more likely that Allen wasn't going to stay with the team.)
Maybe I'm just starting to see things for what they are in the world of sports, instead of being too emotionally invested in teams/players as I was in my younger days. Maybe I'm becoming overly skeptical and cynical of the Red Sox and Celtics organizations. Maybe I'm a huge idiot and I should be pissed off at Youkilis and Allen. But when it's all said and done, I completely understand what the teams and players were thinking when these moves happened. I'm not saying I support Youkilis and Allen, but I'm not about to get all over their cases for what they did.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
7 songs getting me through these two weeks
So I have a test tomorrow in one of my math classes, and the final in said class is nine days after that. A week from Friday. I have an eventual paper in one of my classes, two other cumulative finals, a unit test, and then some homework/readings more or less every day until then. This isn't me complaining about it, this is me just saying what I have to do. It's a lot, don't get me wrong, but everyone has a lot to do this time of year. So what happens then? Music. Music, and blogging, in the face of studying for said math exam. Here are seven songs that are getting me through the last two weeks. Not necessarily going to help you, just me. Maybe you'll find something you like! But I want to think about good music for a while, instead of math.
1. Little Smoke - This Will Destroy You. As you know by now, I'm a sucker for instrumental music. This is more or less white noise layered over some kind of synth bass. The hell I know what it is, but I end up habituating to this song after three minutes, which is great to read to.
2. O Tannenbaum - Vince Guaraldi Trio. When I think about hosting a fancy Christmas party, with everyone in ugly sweaters, eating crackers and cheese by the fireplace, this song will be playing.
3. The Second Coming - Julez Santana. Look, I have to get motivated for finals, right? Nothing like my high school basketball pregame playlist.
4. Down and Out - Tantric. Eighty percent of the reason why I still love this song is that it's Evan Longoria's walk-up music. Boss.
5. Joker and the Thief - Wolfmother. This makes me miss baseball so much...and will somehow be relevant to me in the same way that "The Second Coming" is.
6. The Sky Above, The Field Below - Explosions in the Sky. It's something about staying on one chord for five minutes, but being able to do so much around it. This is a great song on its own, but listening to it just gives me a sense of peace.
7. Dirty Water - The Standells. After my last final of every semester, I play this song on the walk back to my residence hall. God, that feels good.
This pretty much sums of what kind of music I listen to at the end of the semester. Motivation music (despite being initially used for sports), instrumental music, and some semblance of ass-kicking music. I planned on coming up with ten, but I think these songs represent a decent subset of the music I'll be playing over the next two weeks. Oh, and The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place. Bonus points if you read through this blog post and were surprised that I didn't mention it in any of the seven songs. That's because it's a complete given that I'll listen to the album several times.
1. Little Smoke - This Will Destroy You. As you know by now, I'm a sucker for instrumental music. This is more or less white noise layered over some kind of synth bass. The hell I know what it is, but I end up habituating to this song after three minutes, which is great to read to.
2. O Tannenbaum - Vince Guaraldi Trio. When I think about hosting a fancy Christmas party, with everyone in ugly sweaters, eating crackers and cheese by the fireplace, this song will be playing.
3. The Second Coming - Julez Santana. Look, I have to get motivated for finals, right? Nothing like my high school basketball pregame playlist.
5. Joker and the Thief - Wolfmother. This makes me miss baseball so much...and will somehow be relevant to me in the same way that "The Second Coming" is.
6. The Sky Above, The Field Below - Explosions in the Sky. It's something about staying on one chord for five minutes, but being able to do so much around it. This is a great song on its own, but listening to it just gives me a sense of peace.
7. Dirty Water - The Standells. After my last final of every semester, I play this song on the walk back to my residence hall. God, that feels good.
This pretty much sums of what kind of music I listen to at the end of the semester. Motivation music (despite being initially used for sports), instrumental music, and some semblance of ass-kicking music. I planned on coming up with ten, but I think these songs represent a decent subset of the music I'll be playing over the next two weeks. Oh, and The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place. Bonus points if you read through this blog post and were surprised that I didn't mention it in any of the seven songs. That's because it's a complete given that I'll listen to the album several times.
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