Two years ago, I looked forward instead of looking backward. There isn't really much in terms of 'forward' at this point in time, and over the last few weeks, I've been reflective as much as I can. As much as I believe that we have control over our lives and what happens to us, there is still a hell of a lot that we don't get a say in. Who enters and leaves our lives is the most salient example of that. Forty-seven months ago, I was sitting in the Sports Complex listening to Father Cregan tell us how many months were left until the Class of 2014 graduates. I knew one person in that room who was going to Stonehill. I knew zero people in the other Orientation session who were going to Stonehill. There was absolutely no way I could have predicted who I would have become roommates with, who I would have shared a suite with, who I would have been in and out of a relationship with, who would hang out with us for the first two weeks of school and transfer three months later, who would slip through the cracks for one, two, or three years...there was no way I would have come close to predicting how my four years would have been here. All of that was out of my control, and by some sense of universal randomness, it worked out the way it did. And I believe that I wouldn't be the person I am right now if that randomness happened a different way.
I can see the room that I lived in freshman year from where I am. Whoever lives there now might not know it, but they'll probably look back at that room the same way I do three years later. The same way I look at my room in Villa from sophomore year, and my New Hall suite last year. One thing that I've learned this year is that you really aren't able to appreciate Stonehill until you're a senior. I mean really appreciate it. It's the littlest things, too. The day in the spring when all of the trees magically bloom. The Saturday of spring weekend where everyone is outside at the same time. Playing on the softball field during finals week. Crispy chicken wraps. So much of this year has been spent appreciating the fact that it was happening to us, that we had to appreciate crispy chicken wraps and being able to monopolize the laundry room and getting Hill food at 12:59 a.m. As much as I've been telling all my non-senior friends to start appreciating everything now while they can, I don't think they'll be able to until it's their senior year. Their time will come, just as it did for me and the rest of the Class of 2014, and every other senior class who has come through Stonehill. The people here are what make this place what it is, and it's because the people here understand how amazing Stonehill is, and that they do appreciate it as much as they can.
I've always wanted a week at Stonehill where everyone just gets to run around and play and have fun, with absolutely nothing restraining them - no exams, no papers, no deadlines. Just us and the campus, and to an extent, we've kind of made that happen anyway. Again, it might be a senior year thing, but the wheels fell off hard, which opened up a lot of free time to have as much fun as possible. Another thing that I've learned this year is that putting in a ton of time and effort is overrated. There's so much emphasis and value placed on succeeding and getting out of college with a job and a degree and a three-point-something GPA...all of that is important, don't get me wrong, but the amount of energy we expend attempting to achieve those standards is sometimes limiting from one of the most beneficial aspects of college, which is finding yourself. If you still have some time left in your college career, you might not believe me, but even if you step off the gas pedal in terms of academics, you'll still end up okay. You can get to where you want to be, and you'll have a lot more room to enjoy your time at college if you roll with the punches. The more time you leave for yourself, the happier you'll be and the more you'll come to learn about yourself and this wonderful universe we live in.
Then again, I can't exactly explain what I've found out about myself in the past 47 months. I can tell you what moments and events developed me as a person, like the first Values Game I had as a Peer Mentor, where I said a goal I had for college was exactly that - to develop as a person. Or each time I've come to this area of campus and tried to sum up a year at Stonehill in a few paragraphs. Or any of the late nights spent talking with friends. The last scene of Lost, which I've talked about before, involves Jack and his father talking about, well, everything, and I think that's a pretty perfect way to wrap all of this together in a neat, little bow. What they talk about parallels exactly what I feel about my time at Stonehill, and that's going to be the last thing I want to write about while I'm here. It's now 2:47 p.m., and still May 9th, 2014. I'm right where I want to be.
"This is the place that you all made together so that you could find one another. The most important part of your life was the time that you spent with these people. That's why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them, and they needed you."
"For what?"
"To remember...and to let go."
"Kate...she said we were leaving."
"Not leaving, no. Moving on."
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