In and out

Alright, so I lied about my previous post being the penultimate post from Stonehill. I'm just in one of those moods right now, reflective and silent and aware of my tiny little presence in the universe. I don't really have anything I want to blog about in particular, which might be a first for me. I just feel as though I can't let this moment pass by without me allowing myself the reminder of where I was and how I was feeling. And I think that's what my blog has become for me...I know way back when, in my first post, I said that this would be a representation of me, but over time, I think this is now a representation for me. People have their scrapbooks and home videos, capturing the moments that mean the most to them, but for me, I think I resolve feelings and emotions to words and put them here. To me, that's the best way that I can place myself back in that moment, to feel as closely as possible exactly what I was feeling at that very moment. And when I look back at this post, however many days or weeks or months from now, I'll know what I was feeling because of this blog post. So I guess this really is for me, as much as I seem to make my blog for others. At least the important posts. I can tell you exactly where I was and what I was doing for a decent amount of my most-charged posts, and I like that I can do that, and I like that it's because of my blog and these words. To me, nothing emulates the moment like words, and I've always had a fascination with saying things in as perfect a way as possible, because no two moments or experiences are exactly alike. So it kind of makes sense that Explosions In The Sky is my favorite band ever (well, perhaps ironically so), because their music lets you fill the words in yourself. The music evokes feelings and emotions and because they don't have any words, you get to choose yours. You get to find your words and be in equilibrium with your thoughts and feelings, because the two will align through the music. At least, they do for me. I understand that not everyone is as nuts about EITS as I am (actually, I don't think anyone is as nuts as me), but the realization that my blog really is for me seems to be a tidy justification for loving on them so much.

Freshman year, in my religious studies general education course, we learned about how pretty much anything can be sacred. And despite there being no thread of religiosity in me, there is absolutely a level of sacredness to certain things. Most of them are abstract concepts that can't really be well-defined, ideas that are perfectly understood by only me (and even then, I fail to understand them all the time). Like being the only one who knows what a certain subtext in a blog post is about, or being the only one who listens to a certain song a certain way, or being the only one who understands anything I ever talk about here. It's secretive and sacred, and it's something that I don't want to lose. Sometimes it's what keeps me together, knowing that I have myself. But I'm rambling at this point. You don't know that reading this, but I've been typing away for almost 25 minutes now, and I'm pretty sure there still isn't one damn sentence here that you're going to make sense of. But that seems to be the point of all this, doesn't it?

A picture of the Northern Lights, just because.