Choosing the mascot bracket

The March Madness bracket is out, and instead of offering some opinions on the seeding and brackets, I figured I would let you in on the method to my first bracket. Unfortunately there is a 0% expectation of this bracket doing well, because I pick the school whose mascot would beat the other's in a fight to advance. I go through all 63 of my picks (don't worry, I'll be quick) and give further explanation on the tougher choices. Enjoy!

Round of 64

• In the South region, Florida moves on because I think play-in games are stupid. Colorado (Buffaloes), VCU (Rams), and Tulsa (Golden Hurricane) move on in the top half of the bracket, joined by the Ohio State Buckeyes, Western Michigan Broncos, New Mexico Lobos, and Eastern Kentucky Colonels. The Broncos have a favorable matchup against the Syracuse Orange (and this will be the only time you'll ever read those words in that order) because it's pretty easy for a large horse to defeat a fruit.
• In the West, I face my first tough decision - Arizona Wildcats vs. Weber State Wildcats. Always run into this problem when I do this bracket. Weber State's wildcat looks tougher, and it's always fun to take the 16 seed over the 1 seed, so they move on. Oklahoma State (Cowboys) advances, but Oklahoma does not. Not really sure what a Sooner is, and research didn't help at all, so their opponent, the North Dakota State Bison, will advance. San Diego State, Baylor, Louisiana, BYU, and American advance.
• The East region features two trends of Mascot Bracket selections - humans usually don't fare well, and weather usually wins out. The George Washington Colonials go down to the Memphis Tigers, the UNC Tar Heels defeat the Providence Friars, and the Iowa State Cyclones take down the NC Central Eagles. Other winners in the bracket include Virginia, Cincinnati, Michigan State, UConn, and Villanova.
• Over in the Midwest, there's our second Wildcat battle - Kentucky against Kansas State. To be honest, neither team really deserves to move on, but let's give it to Kentucky. Their wildcat looks like the lesser of two evils here. Wichita State advances on the same play-in terms that Florida did, and is joined by Saint Louis and UMass under similar circumstances. The defending champions (Louisville Cardinals) move on, as well as Duke (no bias, I promise), Michigan (Wolverines) and Texas (Longhorns).

Round of 32

• Same regional order as last round, and Florida continues to roll over the Buffaloes. So do the Tulsa Golden Hurricanes, Western Michigan, and Eastern Kentucky. One of the few brackets where you'll see the 13, 14, and 15 seeds all make the Sweet 16, but hey, that's the Mascot Bracket for you. I'm still unsure as to whether or not a Golden Hurricane is any more or less dangerous than a regular hurricane.
• In the West, the Oklahoma State Cowboys move on over the Wildcats - cowboys can shoot stuff and stuff. The San Diego State Aztecs move on over the Bison, because, well, I'm not really sure. Aztecs just seem really old and powerful and something like that. In the matchup between the Baylor Bears and the Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns, the Ragin' Cajuns advance on being ragin', and more exciting and badass than bears. The American Eagles advance and probably should just be declared the winner based on patriotism right now.
• Over to the East region, and the Virginia Cavaliers take down the Memphis Tigers on account of being good at war and having various skill sets like that. The Michigan State Spartans advance as well, and I can already tell this will be a great Sweet 16 matchup. The Cyclones continue their torrent (bad pun intended) and will square off in the next round against the Villanova Wildcats.
• The Kentucky Wildcats, fresh off their win over fellow Wildcats from Kansas State, move to the Sweet 16 past the Wichita State Shockers. After googling exactly what the hell a Billiken is, I've decided that Saint Louis probably should have packed their bags in the first game, even against a playoff team. Louisville moves on, as well as Duke. Again, no bias, but it was certainly a closer contest against the UMass Minutemen for the Blue Devils. The Michigan Wolverines advance over the Texas Longhorns to complete the Sweet 16.

Sweet 16

• In an upset only in this bracket, top-seeded Florida moves on over 13-seeded Tulsa. My reasoning is that gators can just go underwater while the hurricane passes, so Florida will find its way in the Elite 8. In the other matchup in the South region, between the Western Michigan Broncos and Eastern Kentucky Colonels, the Broncos advance because colonels ride on them. Might be flawed reasoning, but welcome to the Mascot Bracket.
• Took a few rounds before I googled what an Aztec is, and in relation to San Diego State, I'm not sure there's any viable explanation. So they fall to the Cowboys, who are making the equivalent of a Cinderella run in this bracket. They'll face the Ragin' Cajuns of Louisiana, who pull out the win over the American Eagles. Tough game to pick though.
• Great matchup between the Virginia Cavaliers and Michigan State Spartans. I think I'll go with Sparty, because they usually perform well in the Mascot Bracket, and I think they eke out a win over the Cavaliers. Close call though. No contest between the Iowa State Cyclones and Villanova Wildcats, though. Weather moves on to the Elite 8.
• In a rematch of a regular-season contest, Kentucky and Louisville square off, and I think I'll go with the Wildcats over the Cardinals here. And I SWEAR that there's no bias, but I'm going with the Blue Devils over the Michigan Wolverines. It's the devil! Lucifer is pretty tough to beat. I'm not even sure the Wildcats can do it.

Elite 8

• Florida Gators against Western Michigan Broncos. Not even a close call here. The Gators continue to roll through their bracket and find their way to a Final Four. Pretty sure I don't need to say more here.
• The Ragin' Cajuns keep surprising the country as they make their way into the Final Four themselves. A close-fought victory over the Oklahoma State Cowboys puts the Ragin' Cajuns another win closer to a national title. Of being a cool mascot.
• The East region features the toughest Elite 8 matchup to pick, as the Michigan State Spartans and Iowa State Cyclones meet. These two teams are almost always making deep runs in my Mascot Brackets, and it's a shame that one of them goes home before the Final Four. But as it's been, the weather makes for the stronger case, and the Cyclones will head on to the Final Four. Another team that usually makes a deep run is the Florida State Seminoles, but they did not make the tournament, and Michigan State remains the lone warrior until their defeat.
• Duke has never made it this far in my Mascot Bracket, and with a few of my suitemates as witnesses, they continue their surge into the Final Four over the Michigan Wolverines. Seriously, I could care less if Duke advances far in my Mascot Bracket (I would much rather see them go deep in the real one), but it's all about the matchups, and they'll head to the Final Four.

Final Four

• GATOR NEEDS HIS GAT! Florida to the finals! The Gators trounced the Golden Hurricanes in the Sweet 16, so why not stave off another weather-themed opponent? This might be a historic run for the Gators, as not only are they one of a few non-warrior, non-weather teams to make it to the championship, they're also one of the few 1-seeds to advance this far. Great run for Iowa State, but the Gators move on.
• In the other national semifinal, the Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns take on the Duke Blue Devils. A well-fought game, I'm sure, but the Ragin' Cajuns move on. Not sure if it's because they're ragin' or if they know how to handle the devil well, but Duke's spectacular run ends here. Which sets up a phenomenal Florida Gators, Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns national championship. And the winner is...

CAN'T STOP THE RAGIN' CAJUNS!

With wins over the Creighton Bluejays, Baylor Bears, American Eagles, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Duke Blue Devils, and Florida Gators, the Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns are the Mascot Bracket Champions. Tremendous run by the Gators, but they were stopped in the championship against a team that knows very well how to handle gators. Congrats to Louisiana on the victory - likely the only one they'll get this March.