Human qualities

In a bit of a continuation from my most recent, non-Lost-related post, I talked about Dzhokar Tsarnaev and the death penalty, and hard things to talk about like that. If you haven't read it, I think it's worth your time, especially because this post has a lot to do with an idea regarding that. I was reading quotes from defense lawyers on why they defend these people, people that so many want dead and destroyed, and there was one reason, one quote that stuck with me, that I think will stick with me forever. "We are each more than the worst thing we have ever done." It's true, and brings up a couple of questions, at least for me. Are we each less than the best thing we have ever done? What about the worst three things we have ever done, are we more than that? The question that I've thought most about is why it's so hard to be open about the worst thing you have ever done. It's done, it's in the past. If it's the worst thing you've ever done, then literally everything else you've done is better than it. So why keep it closed within you?

What is the worst thing you have ever done?

I don't want you to tell me. I don't want you to tell me because I don't want to tell you what the worst thing I have ever done is. The number of people that I am comfortable talking about this to is incredibly low. And I'm only doing it here because I know I can get away with being coy, that I can hide behind this mask of a computer screen. I know what the worst thing I have ever done is, or at least I know the sequence of events that led me to the worst thing I have ever done. There's no way to wrap it nicely in a poetic sentence, there's no way to attach a greater, secret meaning to it. What happened, happened.

I think that there's value in being real. I don't mean the being-true-to-yourself, throw-pillow-quote-material stuff. I mean fucking real. I mean open yourself up, let-the-universe-beat-the-crap-out-of-you real. That's nirvana, if you want to follow the lead of the Buddhists, to be aware of a moment in which you're perfectly real to yourself and to the universe. To hell with God and being judged and sin and whatever else is in that basket. Believe it if you want, I'm not saying you're wrong, but there's value in looking in the mirror and knowing where you stand with yourself and knowing what kind of person you are. And we don't do that, because we're afraid to look in the mirror sometimes. We're afraid of who we are and how we got there, but all of that's in the past.

Look in the mirror today. Spend three minutes, five minutes, just staring at yourself, looking at who you are and thinking about what kind of person you are. Then spend some time and think about what kind of person you want to be. What kind of person you want to choose to be. Go do it.