But my other theme. Philosophy. I just finished my final paper, where one of the questions asked us how we keep meditative/contemplative thinking alive in such a technological world. Good question. When it all comes down to it, we absolutely have to find time to separate ourselves from the world. To, for lack of a better phrase, run away from life for a little while. Even if it's a short amount of time. Freshman year, I went to mass a few handfuls of times, just to be in a different sense for one hour a week. People who meditate do this, people who just sit around and think about the world do this. I have spurts where I do this in my blog. This post being one of them. Ironically enough, I'm typing it on a laptop that has connection to the Internet. As I listen to music on iTunes with my headphones plugged in. See? Even when you want to escape for a while, it's hard. But that doesn't mean you can't do it.
Life is hard. Again, this is something I've been learning the hard way for a few months now. But would it really be worth it if it were so easy? There's been more than one occasion this semester where I've just kind of felt everything pouring on top of me and that there was nothing I could do about it. But hey...the semester is over in four days, and I'm going to make it out alive. Unscathed, no, but I'll be there.
In response to my post about what breaks you, I can only sit here and think of the feeling of being broken, and that is what breaks me. Imagining myself just being completely shattered by something, feeling the stillness in the air...just picturing that freaks me out. It doesn't matter how I got there, but actually being there, or thinking about being there, is what breaks me. Maybe because in those situations, you can't prepare for how you're going to act. You don't know what it will be like when you're broken. It's a mystery. Which brings me around to the title of this post. Do some quick research and you won't be surprised to learn that it is a song by Explosions in the Sky. But, as is the case with all of their songs, it means something more. It's true, as well -- it's natural to be afraid. Sure, life can be hard, and throw you a 3-5 month period of time where it's going to be harder than usual. Maybe that freaks you out. It's freaked me out at times this semester, how hard it's been at times. But it's natural to be afraid. And the reason it's okay to be scared is because of the people you have in your life. No matter what happens, you'll be able to get through it, because it always ends up that way. One of my favorite quotes from Lost is "It only ends once. Anything that happens before that, is just progress."
Heh. I don't even really know what I'm trying to say anymore. I'm just kind of throwing everything together. Here is my point. As is always the case, I could have said what I wanted in probably 30% the time I actually spent saying it. But, as is always the case after that, I'm okay with that. I'm at a point where I still don't really know what this life is, but what's different about that now as opposed to the first two years of being at Stonehill is that I haven't really been thinking about it as much. And it's almost positively because I have no time to think about it, which is exactly the problem. This is something that absolutely should happen. Maybe not every day, but more often than I've been doing it. Maybe more often that you've been doing it, too. Take some time out of your life to think about your existence in the universe. Think about the existence of the universe in and of itself. Think about what life has thrown at you. Think about what breaks you, what home is to you, and everything in between. Just think. Spend some time away from everything that you're worrying about, and just be where you are. It's perfectly fine if, after you think, you get scared. It's natural to be afraid.
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