What breaks you?

I think that by now, you have a pretty good idea of how much I enjoy listening to Explosions in the Sky. Namely, The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place and how much that album and its contents are a part of me. A part of my core, or my essence. There is a lot in life that builds our core and creates our essence, and there are also many avenues in which we have the opportunity to put forth what that essence is. It all comes from the core of who we are. But exactly who are we? Who am I? Who are you? Think about that...who you are. Think about what you've built around your core to create the true essence of your soul. (In this context, "soul" pertains more to the core of us as humans, instead of the conventional, metaphysical use.) Seems like a self-reflection that you may have already encountered, which wouldn't be all too surprising. But now, think about why you built around your core. Why we all have some sort of essence that fulfills our soul.

To me, we have this soul/core/essence ordeal set in place in order to protect us from that which breaks us. There's something out there that has more power over anything else, and that is whatever has the capacity to break us. Again, referring to the core of us as humans. Something that absolutely consumes you and controls every aspect of your mind and body. For me, I'm not sure what that is yet. I don't know what breaks me. This concept is still fairly novel to me. That being said, I know exactly how to build up to that moment of feeling as close to broken as you can be.

7:30, "The Only Moment We Were Alone." When I feel most alive. Although I believe there's somewhat of an addendum to that, to feeling most alive then. I think that we feel most alive when we are closest to death. Think about driving on the highway, where a car almost clips you going 85 miles per hour. Your heart is pounding out of your chest. Think about looking down from the 20th story of a building, knowing that you wouldn't survive a fall. Same feeling. When I listen to that part of the song, it's the same thing, except quieter, since I know it's coming. The chills start running throughout me...I can feel my breathing getting heavier. The slow buildup of everything creates that feeling of nothing going on, but everything going on at the same time. And then the floodgates open. Everything seems to pour out as though a dam just broke. Except it's not a dam...it's me.

Think about what breaks you. Something that threatens the core of your being, your soul. Don't run, because it will follow you. Let it control you. It's okay, because it's only temporary. Let yourself feel as close to broken as you can possibly be. Feel how alive you are. That feeling is real. It's your core.

"They didn't break me. I am broken."
-House, "Broken"